LESBIONICLE SERPENTS OF SATAN

A friend sent me this on Facebook.

GOD HATES LEZBIONICLE CHECKERED WHIPTAIL LIZARDS

“I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.”
-Stephen Roberts

“It was, of course, a lie what you read about my religious convictions, a lie which is being systematically repeated. I do not believe in a personal god and I have never denied this but have expressed it clearly. If something is in me which can be called religious, then it is the unbounded admiration for the structure of the world so far as our science can reveal it.”

-Albert Einstein

“If English was good enough for Jesus Christ, it ought to be good enough for the children of Texas.”
-Ma Ferguson (Texas Governor) speaking on Spanish as a second language in the United States

“Now, my good man, this is no time for making enemies.”
-Voltaire on his deathbed when asked by a priest if he renounced Satan

“In religion and politics people’s beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination.”
-Mark Twain

“Theology is never any help; it is searching in a dark cellar at midnight for a black cat that isn’t there. Theologians can persuade themselves of anything.”
-Robert A. Heinlein

“Religion is the idol of the mob; it adores everything it does not understand.”
-Frederick the Great

“No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says: He is always convinced that it says what he means.”
-George Bernard Shaw

“He was a wise man who originated the idea of God”
-Euripides

“After coming into contact with a religious man, I always feel I must wash my hands.”
-Friedrich Nietzsche

“The Christian resolution to find the world ugly and bad has made the world ugly and bad.”
-Friedrich Nietzsche

“There’s an ancient Hebrew word for Jews from Westport… It’s pronounced ‘Presbyterian’.”
-Toby Ziegler to Josh Lyman on The West Wing TV series.

“My prayer to God is a very short one: ‘O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.’ God has granted it.”
-Voltaire

 

Mouse Calibration

Never knew this even after years of using a computer MOUSE CALIBRATION:

You should actually do this every year. Even more often if you spend a lot of time on the computer. I was shocked to see how well this works, and how far off mine was!

To re-calibrate your mouse, place your curser on the capital H below, left click and hold, then drag it toward the small g.

If it doesn’t work immediately, you might want to clean your mouse, as the calibration is off.

H o l y S h i t!!! You’ll believe anything

I’M SURE YOU WILL ALSO RECOMMEND THIS TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS ONCE YOU SEE HOW MUCH SMOOTHER AND BETTER THE MOUSE WORKS AFTER BEING CALIBRATED!

**Bill Gates will give you 25,000USD if you forward this with the link in an email.**

Hang On While Ya Can

Rollin’ through to fifty

The end becomes more clear

Rollin’ through a life time

I don’t care when it comes

Not afraid of dying

Nothing to fear in the end

I’d love to live forever

But only in the mind

A body can take so much ya know

And come to end so swift

Take care, be healthy, Why?

No one comes to it intact

Work from Nine to Five

Gather a lifetime of trinkets

Push on through to the big Six-Oh!

If luck is with you

You don’t go too far

You can still remember your name

Slow on to the 80s

Hangin’ on to life

I’d rather go out quickly

With beauty still and vital

Push too far you go insane

You never know it though

Life began at thirty

You get a good few years

But the doctors and Big Brother

They want you to kick around

Taxes and insurance

That’s why we push for more

Think it’s for your life

Guess again, think again, revolt

Push on through?

I don’t think so

Break on through instead

The other side is calling

Mystery and myst it seems

Yet it draws us back, I know not why or how

The American Dream, the life fandango, to boogie with a kid

We are bedazzled by the blind

I don’t want to live forever

Death is not my enemy

But I’ll hang on while I can

Atheists, Christians and Muslims

Learn to live with each other and accept each other or please just shut the fuck up!  As a person who thinks all of your belief systems or lackthereof is mere fantasy, scifi mumbo jumbo, I could care less which of you wins in the end.

As long as you leave me the fuck alone and let me live my life they way I see fit.  I don’t care how you do or do not worship.  Nor do I care how pathetically hypocritical you each live your beliefs and lives.


I’m a fairly vocal individual about my beliefs. I’ve rarely had anyone challenge me or attempt to do me harm because of them.   I’ve argued/debated with Muslims, Atheists, Christians, Mormons, Buddhists and a Zoroastrian or two. Though, I’ve never had a Jehovah’s Witness with the balls to stick around and discuss religion with me.

Where the fuck is all of this discrimination?

Maybe I’m just a dickhead who scares the shit out of people. Fuck, I don’t know. I’ve just never had anyone come at me and tell me that since I do not believe as they do that I can’t have this job or join in on this outing or this party or what have you. If they did, they’d feel my dissatisfaction immediately.

I don’t remember a situation in school where my beliefs really mattered for shit. We didn’t pray in school. When I was 5-12 in Elementary School, I vaguely remember reciting the Pledge of Allegiance out loud. Can’t remember when it stopped. I didn’t give a fuck about it.  Though, sometimes, it made me feel proudly patriotic and gave me a good positive vibe for the rest of the day.   I stood up and looked at all the cute girls around me and attempted to stifle yawns and keep the snot from rolling out of my nose and down my chin as I mouthed the words.

Where the fuck do all of these things happen?

Was I just lucky?

We had Black, White and Asian classmates at Franklin Elementary School. We had a kid named Israel and I thought it was a cool name because of it’s Biblical associations. Had a Black Girl named Jerry Butler. She had a guys name and we sometimes teased her because of it. We had a guy named Stacy and we teased him because he had a girls name.  We had a girl who always had boogers hanging from her nose and she liked to pick them and eat them. We had two really cute girls who were all the rave. We had one guy who smelled like poop whom we called “Poopy Pants Jones.” We had one gal who had buck teeth at whom we sometimes yelled “Barbara Ward…phuh phuh…Bugs Bunny….phuh phuh!!!”  (She grew up to be quite pretty, if I remember correctly.  Though, I’ve not seen most of these people in over two decades.)

We had a couple of girls and boys who were extremely bright and whom everyone always thought would go places….some did and one went exactly weird but followed his own path and is doing quite well.

I was a solitary little fucker who had enough friends but didn’t really study hard and was shy as ten motherfuckers so I wouldn’t participate in much because it freaked me out. I’m sure there were a few people like me. I’d do just well enough to get along and for people to leave me alone.

Most of us experienced a bully or two or a situation that was embarrassing or two or three or four experiences of that sort.

Shit like that.  Normal fuckin’ life situations.

None of us filed a fucking lawsuit. None of us committed suicide. None of us brought a fuckin’ gun to school and started shooting motherfucker’s whom we didn’t like or who had bullied us.  Though, now that I’m 210lbs and 6′ and can bench most than most fucks my age, there is one guy whom I’d like to go back and bitch slap.  Just for old times sake.

And I came from a family with an Alcoholic father. I moved something like 40 fuckin’ times from birth to HS grad. Damn near half of the kids from my youth had family problems ranging from abusive fathers to absentee parents to drunken alcoholic fathers.  We didn’t kill our teachers because of it or go postal or whine for two decades about it.  We drove the fuck on!

I still do not recall a single instance of anyone giving a fuck if I were an atheist or a Christian or a fuckin’ Muslim. Though, I do recall one Muslim family at Barrett Middle School or Ballard HS. I think they were immigrants from Indonesia.  And I thought they were vaguely interesting and exotic because of their religion.   I’ve always thought that Jehovah’s Witnesses were strange.  All secretive and whatnot.  But I didn’t unfriend Sam when I learned that he was one.  Hell, I grew up Pentecostle.  You want to talk about fuckin’ strange.  Folks runnin’ up and down the aisle like they’re possessed.  Yelling in fake languages.  “Hikama Hakama…seekama sockama!  YOU”RE HEALED!!!”

Jimmy Swaggert bopped my head so hard “healing” me that I thought it was gonna pop off and roll down the aisle like a bowlin’ ball.

When I lived in Atlanta for a few months one year. I think when I was 13 or 14, we moved into a place that had boatloads (pun intended) of immigrants from all over. We had Hindus, Muslims and fuckin’ everything else.

I don’t recall anyone really giving a fuck about anyone’s religion.

Why, over the past two decades, when we’re supposed to be such a fuckin’ tolerant goddamn society has this become such an issue?

It seems to me that people just want to feel special. So instead of just sucking it up when they say the Pledge of Allegiance and assigning their own meaning to “God” or saying “one Nation,……., indivisible”….now they want everyone to know and acknowledge that they’re fuckin’ special and that they believe or don’t believe this or that.

Who gives a fuck?

Suck it up.

A Manger scene at a Fire Station. I pass one up and I think; “Fuck! It’s already Christmas!” I don’t think; “Those fucking CHRISTIANS! They can’t get away with this! I’m filing a goddamn motherfuckin’ goddamn law suit!”

FUCK ME!

TOLERANCE MY ASS!!!!

INTOLERANCE IS WHAT THIS SHIT IS ALL ABOUT!

These fucks want everyone else to “tolerate” them as they go out of their way to be intolerable to everyone else.

FUCK ALL OF THESE BASTARdS!!!

MERRY FUCK YOU! ONE AND ALL!!!!

HAHAHAAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAH

God damn that felt good…

Goofy Pics!

Back in Asskrakistan!

It’s an interesting tour this time.  Playing with the ANA now.  They’re a different breed than the ANP.  Totally different.  I enjoyed working with the ANP over all.  Time will tell how I feel about these guys.  They’re definitely more stubborn on this side of the martial divide.

Hope I can create as many memorable moments and friends here as I did up in Herat.

Peace!

 

 

Two Rocks

OK…

See the two rocks…

Well, some Muslims believe that it is forbidden to touch the penis (even one’s own penis) with one’s hands.

In order to urinate, they’ll take two rocks and hold their penis.

Being the polite and considerate culture that Islam is…they leave the rocks in the toilet so that they’ll be conveniently available for others.

Yes! The next guy WILL use those same two rocks to hold his penis.

And the next one…and the next one…and the next one…lol

Crazy Scheit!!!

Murphy’s Law of Combat Operations

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1. Friendly fire – isn’t.
2. Recoilless rifles – aren’t.
3. Suppressive fires – won’t.
4. You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.
5. A sucking chest wound is Nature’s way of telling you to slow down.
6. If it’s stupid but it works, it isn’t stupid.
7. Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.
8. If at first you don’t succeed, call in an air strike.
9. If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.
10. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
11. Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.
12. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
13. If your attack is going really well, it’s an ambush.
14. The enemy diversion you’re ignoring is their main attack.
15. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
a. When they’re ready.
b. When you’re not.
16. No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.
17. There is no such thing as a perfect plan.
18. Five second fuses always burn three seconds.
19. There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
20. A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.
21. The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.
22. The easy way is always mined.
23. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
24. Don’t look conspicuous; it draws fire. For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.
25. Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.
26. If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.
27. When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.
28. Incoming fire has the right of way.
29. No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
30. No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.
31. If the enemy is within range, so are you.
32. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
33. Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren’t.
34. Things that must work together, can’t be carried to the field that way.
35. Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.
36. Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both).
37. Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.
38. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won’t be able to get out.
39. Tracers work both ways.
40. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take.
41. When both sides are convinced they’re about to lose, they’re both right.
42. Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.
43. Military Intelligence is a contradiction.
44. Fortify your front; you’ll get your rear shot up.
45. Weather ain’t neutral.
46. If you can’t remember, the Claymore is pointed towards you.
47. Air defense motto: shoot ’em down; sort ’em out on the ground.
48. ‘Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it’ll go’.
49. The Cavalry doesn’t always come to the rescue.
50. Napalm is an area support weapon.
51. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
52. B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.
53. Sniper’s motto: reach out and touch someone.
54. Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity.
55. The one item you need is always in short supply.
56. Interchangeable parts aren’t.
57. It’s not the one with your name on it; it’s the one addressed “to whom it may concern” you’ve got to think about.
58. When in doubt, empty your magazine.
59. The side with the simplest uniforms wins.
60. Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.
61. If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
62. Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.
63. The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass.
64. Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.
65. Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the Colonel’s HQ.
66. The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.
67. One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.
68. A clean (and dry) set of BDU’s is a magnet for mud and rain.
69. The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
70. Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you are low on ammo, you can’t hit the broad side of a barn.
71. The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.
72. The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon’s operator.
73. Field experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
74. No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.
75. If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything.
76. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. (in boot camp)
77. Air strikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short.
78. When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible.
79. Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA.
80. The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don’t know what they want, but they know for certain what they don’t want.
81. To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.
82. The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60.
83. The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that billet is filled by someone else.
84. When you have sufficient supplies & ammo, the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack. When you are low on supplies & ammo the enemy decides to attack that night.
85. The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Medal of Honor.
86. A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
87. Murphy was a grunt.
88. Beer Math –> 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.
89. Body count Math –> 3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37 enemies killed in action.
90. The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range.
91. All-weather close air support doesn’t work in bad weather.
92. The combat worth of a unit is inversely proportional to the smartness of its outfit and appearance.
93. The crucial round is a dud.
94. Every command which can be misunderstood, will be.
95. There is no such place as a convenient foxhole.
96. Don’t ever be the first, don’t ever be the last and don’t ever volunteer to do anything.
97. If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault on, he will bypass you.
98. If your ambush is properly set, the enemy won’t walk into it.
99. If your flank march is going well, the enemy expects you to outflank him.
100. Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target.
101. Odd objects attract fire – never lurk behind one.
102. The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out.
103. The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness).
104. There is always a way, and it usually doesn’t work.
105. Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching.
106. The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an unsecured channel.
107. Whenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight, your ammo and grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always lands at your feet.
108. As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains.
109. Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.
110. The seriousness of a wound (in a fire-fight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover.
111. Walking point = sniper bait.
112. Your bivouac for the night is the spot where you got tired of marching that day.
113. If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution.
114. Radios function perfectly until you need fire support.
115. What gets you promoted from one rank gets you killed in the next rank.
116. Odd objects attract fire. You are odd.
117. Your mortar barrage will put exactly one round on the intended target. That round will be a dud.
118. Mine fields are not neutral.
119. The weight of your equipment is proportional to the time you have been carrying it.
120. Things that must be together to work can never be shipped together.
121. If you need an officer in a hurry take a nap.
122. The effective killing radius is greater than the average soldier can throw it.
123. Professionals are predictable, its the amateurs that are dangerous.
124. No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.
125. The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
126. The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small. (or “on order”)
127. The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.
128. When a front line soldier overhears two General Staff officers conferring,
he has fallen back too far.
129. Don’t ever be the first, don’t ever be the last, and don’t ever volunteer to do anything.
130. If at first you don’t succeed, then bomb disposal probably isn’t for you.
131. Any ship can be a minesweeper . . . . once.
132. Whenever you lose contact with the enemy, look behind you.
133. If you find yourself in front of your platoon they know something you don’t.
134. The seriousness of a wound (in a firefight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover.
135. The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out.
136. When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not your friend.
137  When the enemy is closing, the artillery will always be to long
138  Smart bombs have bad days too.
139  Uncrating and assembly instructions are always inside the crate.
140  If you have a personality conflict with your superior:  he has the personality, you have the conflict.
141  If you enter the CO’s Presence with an idea, you will leave his Presence with the CO’s idea.
142. All or any of the Murphys Laws above combined.

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The Irish and PriceWaterhouseCooper Must Be Retarded

This has got to be the dumbest scandal in the history of dumb scandals.

Having met a few “holier than thou” Leftist PC from Hell Irish Dudes here in Bangkok, though, I can understand how this is an issue on the Emerald Isle.

Bunch of freakin’ panty wastes!!!!

Accounting giant PricewaterhouseCoopers (PWC) is mired in scandal after a group of 17 male employees in Dublin started forwarding around a “top 10” list of their picks for the most attractive female employees in the office. We have it.

The frat boy behavior of 17 Irish PWC employees is quickly becoming an international incident. The company has already launched an investigation after the email was forwarded all over Ireland, and made its way into the newspapers there today:

“We are taking this matter extremely seriously and are launching a full investigation. We will take all necessary steps and actions in line with our firm’s polices and procedures,” PWC’s human resources partner Carmel O’Connor said last night.

Accounting trade magazines have picked up the story; once it hits the British tabloids, it’ll certainly be a PR nightmare for PWC—which has 2,000 employees in Ireland, and 160,000 worldwide. It’s already circulated widely in the Irish corporate world, and the media there has seen it, but no news outlet has published it yet.

Judge for yourself. (Don’t get all exercised; there’s nothing pornographic, it’s standard company photos and titles.) Perhaps this will serve as a warning to office-working dudes across the corporate world: Don’t do this.

They need an investigation?  Why?  Gather the morons together.  Smack them on the wrist with unpaid time off and put it to rest.  The biggest crime here is that it’s a top ten list with 13 gals on it.

AND IT’S AN ACCOUNTING FIRM!!!

P.S.  I’ve met a few cool Irish dudes as well.  So don’t get your panties in a wad.

Istanbul Says FREE ENES!!!

 

 

FREE ENES!!!

 

We just happened to be in Istanbul this week as the Pete Thamel/NCAA created Hullaballoo over our Big Blue Turkish Bro goes into overdrive. With that in mind, we headed out to Aya Sophia and the Sultanahmet Mosque in the Sultanahmet District to grab a couple of photos with our “FREE ENES” sign.

Turkey has been the friendliest country on this years Big Trip through the Middle East. I’ve been here a couple of days now and have been out walking in the city and sightseeing with Unny and Becca. Everyone has been friendly. No scary, angry or freaked out faces staring at us over our clothes or our shoes or our scarves or whatever. People here seem to be Euro oriented and the religious overtones that were so heavy in Jerusalem and Cairo are non-existent here. So far, it’s been a nice stay.

Off to Ephesus and Pammalukke tomorrow. We’ll see the Temple of Artemis which will be awesome as it’s one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World.

Good Times.

Enjoy and hope you have a laugh at our pics.

 

NCAA! I'm coming for ya!!! FREE ENES or else!!!

 

Just having fun…

The Story of Don Gato

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O Senor Don Gato was a cat.
On a high red roof Don Gato sat.
He was there to read a letter,
(meow, meow, meow)
where the reading light was better,
(meow, meow, meow)
‘Twas a love-note for Don Gato!


“I adore you,” wrote the ladycat,
who was fluffy white, and nice and fat.
There was not a sweeter kitty,
(meow, meow, meow)
in the country or the city
(meow, meow, meow)
and she said she’d wed Don Gato!


O Senor Don Gato jumped with glee!
He fell off the roof and broke his knee,
broke his ribs and all his whiskers,
(meow, meow, meow)
and his little solar plexus
(meow, meow, meow)
“Ay Caramba!!” cried Don Gato.


All the doctors they came on the run,
just to see if something could be done.
And they held a consultation,
(meow, meow, meow)
about how to save their patient,
(meow, meow, meow)
how to save Senor Don Gato.


But in spite of everything they tried,
poor Senor Don Gato up and died.
No, it wasn’t very merry,
(meow, meow, meow)
going to the cemetary,
(meow, meow, meow)
for the ending of Don Gato.


But as the funeral passed the market square,
such a smell of fish was in the air,
though the burial was plated,
(meow, meow, meow)
he became reanimated,
(meow, meow, meow)
he came back to life, Don Gato!

Absolutely loved this song when I was a kid.  We sang this at Franklin Elementary School off of Frankfurt Avenue.  It’s a fun little song.

Tamerlane Macabre

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I was reading Tamerlane ~ Sword of Islam, Conqueror of the World when I came across this passage.  I laughed out loud.  Unny was sitting beside me and looked at me funny.  So I “made” her read the passage. She looked at me like I was an idiot and asked me why it was funny.

I couldn’t really explain why?  It just was….

Tamerlane ~ Sword of Islam, Conqueror of the World

The book was a most entertaining read.  I thoroughly enjoyed it.  Justin Marozzi has a similar style to John Man.  Man writes exhaustively about Central Asia, China, Genghis Khan and his grandson Kublai.

Timur was a madman.  I love the guy.

We need a Timur or a Genghis in our age.  Someone with the balls to do what is necessary rather than politicize and haggle like clucking hens.

Dog Fight

Some photos of Malalai and Cierra having fun.

Pugs are crazy!